it's just true.. this is the weirdest feeling ever.. the ultimate power of my own life is in my hands. you know it's a weird feeling when you seriously consider something like mr. doodykins to be a legal last name. it's such a strange state of mind, knowing you can do anything, or do nothing, and it will make a difference, at least in your own life. in a few others' too. sometimes lots. but honestly. when the time comes to do something crazy, or to stand up for someone's (or yours) honor, or to laze about, or to help somebody in need.. just do it. that's what lots of people, including me, forget is ok. we all take life so seriously, and i'm somebody that constantly lives in a "who am i, what am i, where am i" limbo.. we all need to take a deep breath and give up a couple bucks to an old woman that tells you her life story then asks for some spare change, or sit on your boyfriend instead of letting him go on a plane that'll take him away from you for months. we all need to just relax, and realize that people are just people, and nobody is better than anybody else.. so if some bum says that one of my friends isn't a "real" person, i can stand up to them, look them in the eye and be like "look man, you.." and point really close to their chin.. then wake up out of my weird daydream and be like.. "hey. she is a real person, and i'm deeply offended that you might think otherwise." especially since it's been bugging me for months. think about that. the next person you don't stand up for could be, in the back of your mind, bugging you for months after. sheesh. and i've done excessive lazing about, so really, i've no argument there. just relax. take a break from work and spend some family time, some friend time.. because when you're on your deathbed, you're not going to be looking back at your life, thinking "hey, i did really good on that project at work.." or "that stack of beans on aisle 3 is really great.." you're going to be remembering the few times you had with them, wishing you had more, and thanking god for every second you had with your loves. so there.
hafoo..
i need to get out there and do something.
what i hate about all this weird feeling though, is my impatience. i'm so damned impatient. i'm sick, and it's midnight.. and i'm tired.. i need to go to sleep. but no, i gotta save the world first. this is the kind of feeling where you sponsor thousands of kids in a third world country though you can't support them for long, get plastic surgery and a couple tattoos, buy a bunch of crappy music from aspiring artists, and possibly try out that can of sardines in hot sauce you've been eyeing in the store when you're starving and you walk by it every time you go to work. ... then regret it all a week or two later, when you are starving from lack of money, listening to piles of crap, getting sick off of the only food you have left in the house - hot sauce sardines..- and picking at the tattoo or holding your bandaged plasticked surgeried areas.. lol.. what a picture.
ok.
good night.